Let's kick shapism out of foodhalls

Look at me. What do you see?

A willy?

An obscenity?

Or a vegetable.

Is it ok to compost me, just because I'm unacceptable to a supermarket?

Some people say:

"Our vegetables must be a certain shape and a certain colour..."

Why?

I know that toxic chemicals are not acceptable on crops; so why should we accept fussiness on food?

Why argue about differences?

I'd rather be grated into a lovely salad.

(with thanks to Eric, Les and Nike for the advert below.)



But seriously, folks, apparently 25-50% of this country's produce is thrown away because it doesn't look right. Why?

By 2050, this planet will have 9 billion mouths and ever-less fertile land to feed them. Will we still be throwing away pears because they could give someone a horrible flashback to the Moomins? Who's responsible for this madness?

Government! Defra would have thrown out this carrot for having a second branch (never mind a pseudo-willy) despite this being a perfectly natural feature.

Unfortunately, as the homeboy Kilroy-Silk would surely point out, it's not Westminster that calls the shots in this green and fussy land...

EU! Bloody banana benders!

Actually, their stipulations on shape may be less demanding than those of big retailers. Michael Mann of the EC argues that "private standards are stricter than pubic standards and are responsible for the majority of 'out-grading'."

Supermarkets!

Perhaps. But their ideas of what consumers want are only reinforced by shoppers themselves. Asda's Head of Sustainable Sourcing, Chris Brown, reckons that if they stocked these mis-shapes, "customers won't buy them". So the problem is...

Us? Looks like it. We need to start campaigning for proper food. Not here, of course. But let's march in line with the likes of Jay Rayner and Tristram Stuart (whose book, Waste, supplied above facts) when they blow their bugels at big business.

Indeed let this Somerset carrot - fruit of my father's farm - be the standard borne by their marching army.

Let's hold my carrot's image high and make our demand clear:

We want real food that's got balls.